You may remember that we worked some pretty long hours a while back. I did an entry called '20 Hours in the Cafe' back on August 18th. Two days later I also posted that we might be closed on the Wednesday because we might have a really late event on the Tuesday. Well, we opted to stay open on the Wednesday which is what led to my zombie like state, but we did have the event on the Tuesday and now that production is done I can tell you about it. And I can include pictures!
Firstly, this is how it came about. On Sunday the 19th, the day after my 20 hours in the cafe followed by one hour of sleep, I was working and a film guy came in. He told me that a production would be shooting across the street on Tuesday evening and asked me to sign something acknowledging that he had informed me of the shoot. He began to go into the process but I stopped him at the beginning, explaining that I worked in film and I know the drill. So we chatted about film stuff for a few minutes and then he left. Then my exhausted wheels started turning and I realized that we really need to get in on this. What followed were about half a dozen emails between us over the next two days culminating in him rushing in on Tuesday, a few hours before they were meant to start shooting on College, asking if our space could be used as their Green Room for the actors. Hmmm, let me think about that. You want to use our already closed cafe to do nothing but hold people? And we have to do nothing but be here? And you're gonna pay us? Hell ya!
They were supposed to start shooting at 6pm but, of course they pushed, which is film lingo for 'film always runs late'. They rolled in around 7:30, put up some black curtains on the windows and brought in security to check the place out. The actors came in around 8:00 or so and they sat around doing nothing until hair and makeup arrived and transformed them and then they were whisked away like their life depended on it. Then they came back. Wash, rinse, repeat. That's film. Now for some pics.
Davina, myself and Daniel Radcliffe, aka Harry Potter.
So we hung out, made coffee for the producers (sooo many producers on this show), chatted with Dan and his girlfriend and Zoe (the other actress on the show), and tried to talk up the cafe. I knew a few of the crew from my good old days in film and passed most of the time chatting with film people, in film lingo about film things. In other words, shmoozing and reminiscing. It was fun. I was in my element. There are times when I miss film a lot. I don't miss 16 to 18 hour days everyday though, although sometimes I think I rival that in the cafe.
This was the view from our patio looking across at the Royal.
This is the inside of the cafe with the windows blacked out to hide Daniel Radcliffe from the world.
Dan and Zoe playing at the train table. Yup, you see right.
Anyway, the movie they were shooting is called The F Word. It's a romantic comedy. Harry is all growed up now. Super nice guy by the way. When I finally left around 2am he was the first to jump up, shake my hand, and thank us for letting them take over our space. Thus ended my 18 hour day in the cafe.
By Tom Matlack 180 Comments
Let’s get one thing clear from the get go: moms are generally better parents than dads. And that goes double for me. I’ve had three kids across two marriages and I am undoubtedly the weak link. My 17-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son trust their step-mom more than they trust me, which proves that I married well but am still getting the hang of being a dad. Most of us are.
That said, there are a few subtle nuances that I have picked up along the way as a dad that might come in handy for moms raising boys.
Ladies, here are some things to think about with your boys:
- Think caveman. Adult women have thousands of emotional states, as do girls like my daughter. Boys, on the other hand, tend to feel one of three: mad, sad, happy. Don’t project your complex emotional life on your son. His issue of the moment might not be that complicated. He wants to eat, poop, or run. On a really bad day he wants his toy back after some other kid took it from him. He doesn’t want to stare out the window and have lengthy discussions about the meaning of life, as my eight-year-old daughter often did.
- Watch his body not his mouth. Again, like adult men, the clues to how your son is doing will show up first in his body language. Jumping up and down with six-inch vertical leaps is the natural state of being and is good. Slumped shoulders are bad. Yelling is good. Quiet needs attention.
- When in doubt, hug. Boys will often have a much harder time than girls verbalizing their problems. My 5-year-old son will sometimes burst out into tears after seemingly trivial events. I know there is something deeper going on, but I am not going to get it out of him, at least not at that moment (whereas my daughter would not only tell me what went wrong but in no uncertain terms why it was my fault, which was generally true enough). So the solution is physical not verbal. I spend a lot of time just hugging my boys. I usually have no idea why. But as a default cure-all, it seems to work wonders. A minute later they are all patched up and ready to rumble again. This even works pretty well with my 14-year-old, who is a 6-foot-tall linebacker at Boston College High School.
- Yes, it really is all about poop. Girls potty train 6 to 9 months before boys, but once boys make it onto the throne, there is no stopping them. Moving their bowels is pretty much the highlight of their day (true confession: it still is for me, too), and they are going to want to talk about it. Bathroom time is a participatory sport. My five-year-old likes to head to the bathroom just as the family is sitting down to dinner, sometimesduring dinner. It’s the first time he has been still long enough to realize he has to go. And he wants me to come with him, not just to assist in the wipe but to have a leisurely conversation about the status of his poop. As much as I found this inconvenient at first, now I just go with it. Quality time is quality time.
- Batman lives forever. Boys, even at a young age, realize the importance of super powers. They want to be good and believe in the existence of ultimate good in the world. Boys sort out their identities in relation to the mythical characters they hear about. My son is obsessed with Batman. He wears a full costume, even through the airport and down Madison Avenue. What amazes me even more than his dedication to the superhero is how the guard at LaGuardia or the guy hanging off the back of a garbage truck sees him and shouts, “Batman!” My boy nods his head just slightly, acknowledging his public before moving onto the important work at hand, like going to kindergarten.
- Pointless physical activity is perfect. My brother and I once convinced his two sons and my older boy, when they were all around the age of 10, that they really needed to build a structure out of rocks. The rocks were on one side of a beach, but the perfect spot where the structure had to be built, according to our sage advice, was on the other side of the beach. Each stone weighed between ten and thirty pounds. The boys started moving the boulders one by one, working together to lift the heaviest ones. My brother and I set up our beach chairs midway from the rock pile to building site. We read the paper most of the morning while the boys tired themselves out moving rocks and then assembling a tremendous cathedral. By lunch they were tired and happy, and my brother and I had enjoyed a peaceful morning.
- Winning does matter, but less than you think. Boys — perhaps even more than girls — put themselves under extreme pressure to perform in school, in sports, and in social situations. They talk about it less, so the sting of failure can run even more deeply than with girls. With boys it’s important to emphasize the lessons to be gained from failure, instead of trying to win at all costs, and to emphasize the development of the whole boy. Too often in our culture, boys are pushed to become one-dimensional robots. Goodness isn’t about winning at youth soccer or having the most friends or being the smartest kid in class; it’s also about being kind. That’s something as a mom that you can particularly help your son understand.
- Clothes matter. I know there are way more options for dressing little girls than little boys, so the tendency might be to just throw jeans and a t-shirt on your son and forget about it. But you better make sure they are the right jeans and the right t-shirt. The only consistent battle I have had with my sons is over what they wear. It matters way more to them than I ever would have imagined. They want to look cool; they want to be comfortable (pants that are tight but not too tight, warm and yet breathable). I do draw the line with clothes that have already been worn two days in a row, but I don’t discount the importance of fashion to my kindergartener.
- Crowds, not so much. I have noticed that my daughter lights up when she enters a crowd, whether family or strangers. Mass humanity is something that gives her energy. With my boys, and, frankly, for me too, it’s the opposite. They get shy and tend to hide behind my legs. I try to protect them from these situations and not push them beyond their limitations.
- Bedtime is sacred. Because boys are so active, it’s hard to get them to sit still. The best time of day is the ten minutes before they go to sleep. Crawl into bed with them, read books, and hold them while they fall off to sleep. If you don’t believe in God, you will once you have lain next to your overactive son while his body goes limp next to you, and he ever so faintly begins to snore.